small things

Today I've been trying my best to study, maybe because management accounting APPEARS so easy i'm not working as hard. Woke up at 12, studied til 430, then slept til 6!

Small things really count, Jamie went out and bought me dinner, so sweet of her, and now I feel energised and ready to conquer the world! (Hmm, didn't have much of a lunch, dou foo fa? and oreos?)

Tomorrow is my last LSE paper for the year! Woohoo!

Muay Thai

Financial reporting yesterday was great! Everything I spotted for came up. (Well...Hick's Income Theory didn't come up as a calculation question, damn..too bad) I'm looking at a definite pass, around..50 and highest 60. So I'm happy!

As I was walking home, I did my usual MP3 singing walk. I haven't done it in a long time (cuz was too lazy to put new songs in my player. and too lazy to buy batteries). It is great and liberating! Walking down the street singing outloud and doing little dance moves as you walk. Lovely. haha.

Anyways, this morning I woke up and forced myself to go to body pump. I literally rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, threw on a tshirt, socks, and zombied walked to the bus stop. I looked seriously horrible. But that's fine right? just body pump...

WRONG MENTALITY.

The moment I step out of my room I should look presentable and at least somewhat pretty, cuz you never know who you are going to meet. And instead of my usual lady instructor, we had a male instructor.

I went to his class...last...saturday or something? And I wasn't wearing my glasses but from afar his body looks nice and his voice is lovely! hahah So today when I read the roaster and that he was subbing for Rue, I was like, Oh man...shit!! No eyeliner, no blush and my eyes are puffy...my hair is a huge mess....

lol. damn it. plus the shirt I threw on wasn't exactly the most flattering shirt. Its the boxy type that makes me look 20lbs heavier, I must stick to pretty gym clothes.

Anyways, mental note made. And up close, he isn't much of a looker.

Gin Nah and Denise really motivate me to lose weight. During body pump class Denise pushed me to load up, move from 2kgs to 2.5kgs. PAINFUL!!!

I decided to do more cardio from now on. Instead of running I joined Muay Thai. Wow. very powerful and tiring class. But I feel great after it! A total of close to 3 hours of gymming today! I hope I can keep up this habit.

In the meanwhile, I have one FREAKING LONG assignment to complete and an exam on friday.

Muay thai is fun. :)

Lazy Sunday

What a lazy sunday.

Stephen called me, woke me up and we chatted for an hour. After, I emailed Pantea, then went to drop off an "Officer and a Gentlemen" that I borrowed from Fitness First.

Marsha called me and she happened to be at Taka so we met! Her party at butter last night was great, I showed up wearing what looked like a pillow case. hahah I looked like 2000lbs, (2000 pound beauty, sequel? goodness I'd love to be with the male lead...mmmm...mmm...*drifts off*..)

erm. back to my point, the party was great.

And it was so nice to see her today to hang out at coffee bean, then we went to Plaza Sing to meet Arthur and Xinhui!

Anyways I know I should study, but now I feel quite confident about my exam. I did all the past exam questions...so I'm taking things easy.

Marcus left on Thursday. So sad!! I never wrote about him before, but he has made living here so much easier, its nice to come home and chat with him, and if I need a hug, I can ask for one from him. And well...we stopped for a while, but we always had movie nights or we chill and chat in the living room.

Sigh.

I will definitely miss him.

Ah...I look really bad in this photo ===>

I must make a mental note to open my eyes when taking pictures.


This is a photo of Jamie, Marcus and I
Oh! Marcus might come back in September!! For an internship :) Will keep you posted.

Study Break

My first exam is on Tuesday. (may 29th). Financial Reporting. I have to answer 4 questions in 3 hours, and for efficient but very risky studying purposes...I am studying only 5 topics.

Ah! Then my Management Accounting paper is on the 1st. Should be fine...

So this is me studying....

Or at least trying to...

The past few days have been alright. Been shopping a lot with Jamie. I feel bad that I can't take her around, but all she does it sleep. So I guess I can't complain. its 2pm and she is still sleeping. Good for me, I can focus and study better.

She is a sweetheart, cleared my makeup table so that now I have a desk to study on! Great!!

I'm going to conduct an experiment, I'm not going to wake her up and see what time she gets up naturally.

Motivation is what gets you started...

Man, I really hate the fitness first slogan

"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going"

My problem....lots of motivation but no habits.
I woke up this morning and gymed for 2 hours! Yay! Came back home, tried to study but ended up sleeping.

I'm feeling good. Gotta go back to study now, took Jamie to Aware with me, someone said we don't look at all alike,

Then she continued...oh!! Yes you have the same eyes!!

Oh its like looking at

<= === Before

and

After=== =>

Very amusing.
What do you think?

Btw. This is me superpale cuz I didn't put on any make up.

The Prince and Me

I met Stephen at the airport today. I got to spend...roughly 2 hours with him.

He is just the same guy as last week, sweet and extremely loveable. When I saw him, and after speaking to him, all my doubts about him went away. (Doubts...in the sense of...why are we moving so fast? something = fishy? what's the story?)

He is a straightforward honest person, maybe not the brightest guy on the block when it comes to women (Men please take note: never ever imply marriage after a week of dating) ...haha but adorable all the same.

Anyways, I went in there determined to make a point, that I DO NOT want him to come to Singapore for me, and that we should just be friends.

Honestly, how do I know we'd even work out? how do I know if we'd last for a week? He gives up everything he loves and is used to in Victoria for me? I couldn't and don't want to take that responsibility.

Him, being the eternal optimist, tried his best to reassure me and told me that it is his decision to make. Sigh, at the end of it, I asked him not to contact me until I contact him first.

And when we were saying goodbye, it was so painful. It was just like my dream from 2 nights ago, when I hugged him, I clung to him. I felt like it was a moment out of a Chinese drama series. I should had just held him there for as long as I could, so that he could miss his flight.

I stood there watching him go through the immigration lines biting my bottom lip. When he was out of sight, I wanted to just sit at the airport 'til his plane left. hahah. neurotic.

I sat on a bench, called Gin Nah right away and told her what happened, then called Jamie as well. And from the sound of it...they (and Juliet) feel that I just let Stephen slip away, I'm always complaining that there is no one nice out there, then here comes mr. close-to-perfect and I push him away. It is extremely frustrating for them, I know I should be with him because he is so perfect for me.

I met Juliet and Jamie for dinner at Pepper lunch, we went grocery shopping and then went home to watch The Prince and Me.

Wow, I god damn wish I watched that movie yesterday.

Not to super spoil the movie, but basically she falls in love with this guy, he turns out to be a prince and she is so upset that he lied to her. and then she realises that oh my goodness maybe this really is like a fairytale and its real love and happineess...her fairytale could come true. So she dropped all her bags to go find him.

During this point of the film, I clapped my hands, and I got dirty looks from both Jamie and Juliet. haha I am very animated when I watch movies, so I was clapping my hands when she was realising that this guy is the one and she cant let him go.

Back to the plot...Then she realises that she lost herself in Denmark, and leaves him to pursue her career and to go back to her life in the US. *SUPER SPOILER*

The ending is lovely, at her graduation he is there behind her, and he said that he only wants her as his queen, and if it means waiting til she is ready, then that's what he'll do.

Made me bite my nails. Did I let my prince charming slip away? Jamie said that I slammed the door on destiny.

Wow that is super harsh.

Stephen, just in case you are reading this, I think you need space from me, most probably if and when I contact you; you would have realised that I'm no big deal and not worth the trouble. If and when that happens, I'll be happy for you. I am so sorry if I broke your heart today.

Sleep is a non-permanent solution

"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration"

- D.H. Lawrence

The amount of obstacles I am facing is overwhelming.

All I do is sleep, my coping mechanism ==> equivalent to sweeping dust under the carpet.

I'm seriously dreading tomorrow...

Fairy Tale

This is a really nice song by Guang Liang. Sorry the font is so small, click it and it will open in a browser, my favourite line is

"With tears in your eyes, you told me that fairy tales are all lies, there is no way that I can be your prince"

http://www.learn-chinese-through-music.com/guang-liang-tong-hua.html

Constantly trying to improve my chinese... =)

Falling-in-like

Here is where the line between diary and blog entries blur. But all of my good friends read my blog, so this is a way to update you all.

I have been feeling really stressed lately, not because of school but because of Stephen.

Stephen REALLY really likes me, and he is such a sweetheart, he emails me twice a day. So when I wake up I have a lovely email from him to look forward to, and when I get home from classes I have something to read and smile about.

He met my parents (i was so shocked), and they think he is nice and sincere, and that he really likes me and is serious about me. So serious that from his emails, I gathered that...he is going to move over to Singapore! (i was even more shocked).

I'm so overwhelmed, and I've been crying, not tears of joy.

I feel super crappy because there is no doubt that I like him, like my friend Yeen said, "ah...you fell-in-like" with him.

What a good choice of words. For me, falling-in-like is huge enough, it takes me a long time to open up and like a particular guy; and for things to be moving this fast is incredibly intense and I feel myself pulling away.

I don't know what to do.

I like him, but not to the extent that I can guarantee that we'd work out, and that does not justify him moving here. At the same time, what's stopping me is the fact that I don't really know him....but if I knew him better maybe I would I like him more, and for me to know him better he has to be here. Catch 22.

I'm torn and broken.

Jamie is here

Jamie is here!

Life is much brighter and my days have more purpose. :)

I'm so behind in my studies!

I'll write more later.

Stress

I stress myself silly by thinking too much. Today I had stomach ulcers, I've been having nausea all day, and broke out in cold sweat.

Took a test today, passing mark was 60...I think I got 57. So lousy. But there should be a retake available, lets keep our fingers crossed.

I met Liang Yi for lunch, and Xinhui & Arthur for dinner. It is so nice to have love and support from friends, I feel much better after meeting them. I also feel better after buying a jacket and a pair of pretty flats from Tangs :)

During lunch, I noticed the table to the left of Liang Yi and I. It was a table with a mother and her child. The little boy was 7? and he was chatting to his mom but while he was playing games on his cellphone, and his mom was listening like "uh huh, yup..yeah.." and she was texting on her Dopod! And I thought to myself, what a sad relationship. What has technology done to the world.

Boo.

My first bachelorette party!!

On Friday it was my first time going to a bachelorette party! Wait, are they called bachelorette parties, parties for brides-to-be? hen parties?

It was held at New Asia Bar, organised by KL. It was so nice gather the gang together, we've all been so busy, no time to club and hang out. Sigh. I had a blast, and I got so many warm hugs and I know everyone loves and cares for me. It is a definite nice warm feeling.

The party was fun, i was wearing my killer heels (very very very pretty but painful ones.), and hmm, so couldn't dance so much. Michelle (the bride to be) was quite high, and we all only made it through phase 1 of the parlour games. I think the games fizzled cuz we all were quite high after a while. haha.

Phase 1 was silly, us girls randomly picked a paper, and on the paper was a description of a type of guy we had to find in the club, and get him to come up to our vip area and do a task and take a drink with Michelle.

I am super lucky, because my paper said "sweet talker guy", and ANYONE can be a sweet talker. phew. Others had...boxer guy, stripper guy, hahah good stuff. So Michelle got someone to strip (top only) for her, um, someone to show her boxers...and I think I missed other ones too. Damn.

Xinhui is so ridiculous, she went to any tom dick and harry and got them to come up. And when I joined her, she was like, whats yours? And I told her "sweet talker guy" and shes like, look there's one...go ask him!

I took a glance....her finger pointed to....

A SHORT UGLY FAT THING!

DUDE. the guy was shorter than me ( = SHORT), wide, and had a super tight polo tee, he looked disgusting! *cringe*...Eeee!

{My goodness, Xinhui is so funny, life is dull without her. I've missed her the whole of last week.}

Anyways, back to the story, I couldn't do that to Michelle, hello? this was her bachelorette party....as in she was getting married the next day.

When I left the gang to hunt for a man for Michelle, I told Arthur I would make him proud. So, I had to leave Xinhui and go straight on the dance floor and scan the crowd. And...no offence, but New Asia bar's eye candy is....very minimal. Not impressed.

Then...I saw this tall, muscular, decent looking guy. He was standing there holding a beer, and I went up to him, introduced myself, asked for his name (Mark). Ahh..he had an australian accent, mmm..but he was a kiwi. I told him that my friend is getting married tomorrow, and asked if he wanted to play a game with us. And he was super friendly! So he came with me. And while we were waiting for our turn with the judges. I found out that...he is not a sweet talker at all. Sigh.

Good looking, private banker, but not a smooth talker. I asked him to try a few lines on me, as if I was Michelle, and he was like...

"So...I heard you are getting married tomorrow?"

And i'm like, PLEASE! Geez, had to roll up my sleeves and coach him how to be smooth, so a Stacy-enhanced version of his line is

"I heard you are getting married tomorrow, what a shame, I would rather you marry me."

Er..the enhanced line I just typed...looks really bad. lol.

Hmmm, i was a little high already when I pulled him from the crowd. So, hmm, on friday night basically i added smoothness to his lines.

I was so impressed though, he took a tissue and folded it and did some magic so it looked like a flower and he got on his knees and proposed to Michelle! Hahah. What a good sport.

And Michelle was so grateful, shes like "Stacy you love me!! You got me a hottie!"

hahah, that's right. I love you Michelle. I wish you all the happiness in the world!! Can't wait for the wedding dinner.

Whirlwinds

I gotta say, that I love the fact that people read my blog. Just found out that Adrian and Mitchell check it out when they can, its a great way to keep you guys updated. I love you.

On Saturday, after my random caller episode, I went to meet Michelle (my cousin visiting from Calgary) and a bunch of friends (Charles, Cat, Mark) for a small reunion. She ended up grouping us and her Canadian friends in one location. There wasn't enough space for all of us on one table, so Mark and I sat with her Canadian friends. Chatted with them, Stephen and Celine, and then I left with Michelle back home.

I made a mental note that Stephen is quite a nice guy, and that maybe I'm not meeting the right people in Singapore. Meeting him put me back into perspective of the type of person I should be liking, i.e. sincere decent person rather than goodlooking messed up scum.

On Sunday I watched "200 Pound Beauty" with Gin Nah and Yeen. It was quite a good movie, to be honest I didn't like the ending. I don't like how Korean culture (at least entertainment wise) puts so much emphasis on plastic surgery, we should be teaching women to feel beautiful and love themselves for who they are. (hahah I know I should practice what I preach)

Monday I met Stephen for a extremely tourist-y attraction, the Cheng Ho Harbour Cruise.

Cheng Ho (Zheng He) ...from my memory was like the Chinese Marco Polo. I was expecting a historical boat ride around the harbour, but it was more like "To the left is Sentosa island...with attractions such as..." haha.

Amazing lor.

Anyways for interest sake : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheng_Ho

The cruise ended up being 3 hours of us just chatting and chatting.

At the start of the day, we didn't know much about eachother, because actually we only spoke for 20-30 minutes on Saturday?

If you think about it, it is a little strange to think that we would be meeting for a cruise ride, but it was really fun and I had an amazing time.

For those who know me, I am...a tad bit vain. I am very particular with my tan lines especially. We ended up chatting in the strong hot sun, and I now have a horrible tank top tan, and I look 2 shades darker. Will post up pictures when Jay comes, because she has a digital camera :)

I went to class that day thinking wow, it is so nice to have met Stephen.
I was on a natural high.

We complement eachother.

And it SUCKS like hell that he doesn't live in Singapore, and that he is here only until Thursday.

*sigh* life is unfair.

I ended up pouting all night about it, couldn't sleep and so I came online chatted to Adrian, Grace and Andrea, then called Andrea to catch up.

I chatted with Andrea all the way from 7am-10am, haha I even spoke to her as I was on my way to meet him, at 10. Hence, I was super tired at Sentosa. (2 hours of sleep)

Part of me was tired, but I have to admit, part of me did not want to be so enthusiastic about spending time with him. Maybe it is the singaporean pragmatic attitude slipping in.

Why have another spectacular amazing day with him when I know he is going to leave on thursday and I will be heartbroken once again.

I let that thinking get the best of me. I had such a nice time with him at Sentosa, but it could have been nicer.

Wednesday morning was the last time I could hang out with him.

Time is so short, there is just not enough time in a day. It is extremely frustrating when you want to maximise your time with someone but there are so many constraints, and you realise you can't.

I left home on Wednesday determined to take it as a casual outing, and block out the fact that he is leaving on Thursday, and block out the fact that I met my match and I can't have him.

It worked a bit, I was more happy and my usual self. And then he left.

On Monday, I thought that I would be horribly depressed on Thursday morning.

I imagined that I would not be able to get out of bed and go to class with puffy eyes.

But do you know what. Like Mommy always says, I am a survivor.

And do you know what. When I fall, I know I have friends and family who love me. I think that has made all the difference. I was so upset when I left him on Wednesday, I met Juliet for a warm hug and we had a quick dinner, then at school Liang Yi and I were giggling in class over random what nots and both she and Denise cheered me up. By the time I went home, I was happy. This morning I got texts, calls and msn msgs from everyone to check if I am okay? could I walk?

I'm happy, don't worry about me.

I realised that Stephen was right. I should live things day by day and not think so much. He is lovely, and it would be so nice if we could work out.

The odds of our paths crossing were so low, but the fact of the matter is that they did cross. If we are meant to be together, our paths will cross again.

I am half tempted to say that I was swept away for 3 days in a whirlwind romance, and that time (lack of it) was a huge factor.

But...that's not fair, because they were definitely more than that. I am thankful for them, because I was very close to clamming up and becoming a recluse, and now I am more positive and open to relationships.

Regardless of what happens in the future, I am a much happier person now, I feel the difference.

Thanks Stephen. :)

I'm Alive

So the meeting...did not go very smoothly. He was late, by 30 mins. So I left. Then he called me back, and I decided what the hell. Go meet him anyways.

Juliet was suppose to come with me, but she was busy, I forgot to tell Joey that my friend wasn't coming. And so he brought his friend Robin along.

I gotta say, that these 2 boys are NICE. Weren't freaks as predicted by the whole lot of you. We spoke about thailand, schooling, random things, and the meeting lasted for 15 minutes.

So my experiment is over, I earnestly believe that Joey heard my voice and thought, why not? But now I don't hear anything from him, interesting. So my voice attracts them, but not my looks. And now his friend Robin is contacting me more often, I wonder if they flipped a coin, or if Joey was like, "nah, you want?"

Anyways, it was an interesting experiment. Maybe it gives me more faith in Singaporean men. And I think...a deeper false sense of security.

You miss 100% of the shots you never take

Yesterday, I got two 'wrong number' calls. ==> From the same guy.

I got to admit, he had a really nice telephone voice, his voice reminded me of this guy I liked for 3 months, he finally asked me out after 2 months, we went out twice and then...it just went flat. But that guy was super nice, I guess sometimes things don't work out. Shame.

Wait! Ah! I am getting side-tracked! Back to the story...

Yes, so following these 2 wrong number calls. I get a text..."Sorry for calling you twice, your number is similar to my friends. Btw my name is Joey..."

First things first...his name is JOEy, instinct tells me to becareful. Sorry to say this, but for me, Joes are really bad news, sleazy heartbreakers. (the super nice but didn't work out guy's name isn't Joe)

Maybe it was the fact that I was in the library, and that I was in an incredibly bored but friendly mood.

I texted him back, "no problem, keep on trying to find your friend by randomly changing numbers, and how I always thought my number was so unique (its an AWESOME phone number, thank you cute Singtel guy!!!) good luck"


You know what?
He called me back!

So as the story goes, basically, he wants to be my friend! This random stranger. I feel like I'm in a movie. And like my dear friend Mitchell says, "Stacy you watch too many movies."

I watch too many movies. And I am too trusting. Two weaknesses.

My intutition tells me that despite his name, (it is quite sad for the guy to be guilty by name-association) he SEEMS like a nice guy, 25 years old, pleasant voice...

He kept on saying "we should meet" and I was replying with my usual "hmmm...um....mmmm....?" and here was the clincher...

"okay, its entirely up to you."

This is such a smart line, because it throws the onus on me, gives me back some power, and makes me trust him more. (Very smooth guy)

The story continues...he calls me back after 3 hours, and asks me out for coffee, just a few hours. He was quite persistent. Which, like I wrote in my earlier posts, I like men who take initative.

I am going to meet him tomorrow at Paragon, Coffee Bean 1-2pm.

*GASPS*

*PAUSE*

*HANGS HEAD LOW IN SHAME*

I am blogging this in case something happens to me, I don't think anything will happen...but then again, you never know.

(check this story out "The Monster of Balestier": http://news.asiaone.com.sg/a1news/20070426_story10_1.html)

I have to admit, that I am seriously intrigued, who asks to meet people randomly? could this be a prank? is this a blind date? could this be his usual tactic to draw out girls? are singaporean men THIS strange and THIS bizarre? (do I hear a "Hell-Ya!" in the crowd?)

OR

Could this honestly be a guy...who called the wrong number... heard my friendly and pleasant voice (I really should be a radio DJ), and noticed that we had "telephone chemistry" and thought, what the heck, I should just try my luck and ask her out! (kudos.)

I know.

Maybe I shouldn't have said yes, but hey, I'm single. The meeting is in broad daylight, and my good friend Juliet is accompanying me.

Thursday morning in the library, I read and noted a quote from Wayne Gretzsky.

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take"

I feel that lots of times, all these messed up (but interesting) things happen to me because I put myself out there. I take shots, and I take risks. Perhaps I can say that I am adventurous ?

I am taking this incident as an investigative report. I found out through friends that there are people out there who honestly use this tactic to meet girls, they call the wrong number, and then they give an SMS, "Sorry for calling, btw my name is..."

Sounds familiar.

There is a bet on the table that he is horribly ugly.

I'm thinking positive. If he turns out to be a freak, it would be a great story to tell people and to share with you all. And if he turns out to be super nice, who knows?

Will keep you all posted :)

*Closes eyes really tight*

*Crosses fingers*

and

*Chants*

*please do not be ugly* *please do not be the Monster of Orchard**please do not be ugly* *please do not be ugly* *please do not be the Monster of Orchard**please do not be ugly*

How high can you fly with broken wings?

I had a bum day.

No entry today, but will paste the lyrics of Aerosmith's Amazing

Amazing

I kept the right ones out

And let the wrong ones in

Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins

There were times in my life When I was goin' insane

Tryin' to walk through The pain

When I lost my grip And I hit the floor

I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door

I was so sick and tired

Of livin' a lie I was wishin that I Would die

It's Amazing With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

It's Amazing When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright

It's Amazing And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation

And how high can you fly with broken wings?

Life's a journey not a destination

And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl

Before you learn to walk

But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk,

I was out on the street, Just tryin' to survive

Scratchin' to stay

Alive

Labour Day

I have this rule of thumb that whenever I go out with my singaporean friends, regardless where we go, or when we go, they will always bump into at least 2 people they know.

Guess what, today in Orchard while shopping with Mark, I bumped into my classmates Kym, Daniel and Wendy! First I bumped into Kym in front of Famous Amos (great, she can see her classmate pigging out on cookies, she must be like...no wonder she's that size...) and then bumped into Daniel and Wendy at the Heeren.

I planned to go the library and then sentosa. Turns out today I did neither.

THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED ON LABOUR DAY.

Chey, so much for a knowledge based economy.

As for Sentosa, it was raining, and I decided to spend more time with Mark indoors than on the beach.

At around 5pm, Nelson and Rachel picked me up, and surprised me by bringing Rachel's dog Donut! It was so nice playing with a dog. We had such a good evening together, just chatting, eating and getting to know one another better.

Alot of times in Singapore, I feel lonely, and I feel that everything is meaningless. Lots of times I feel that the friends I have here are superficial, and that I cherish them much more than they cherish me. Then in moments like these...I would get a sms from XinHui, or like just now Juliet called and we chatted for 2 hours.

Maybe because I have been burnt by friends before, this is my defense mechanism working.
I really acknowledge that my friends in Singapore may not be free to spend time with me, but I know that in a crisis, a handful of them will be at my side. And for that I am thankful.

Randomly speaking of Labour day. My flatmate told me that in France, Labour Day is a big woo-hah. On the news today there were protests in the Phillipines and Indonesia.

No protests in Singapore, and today felt like a Saturday. So typical of Singaporeans...this un-confrontational and apathetic culture.